gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
