somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
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