and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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