you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
