I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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