I accidentally had phone sex last night
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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