You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
