I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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