I can tuck mytits in my pants
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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