I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Randomize
