if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
