i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
