It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
