She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
