Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
