Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize