ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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