Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
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white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
then he tried to convert me to islam
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
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I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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