Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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