Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
