peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
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I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
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I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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