the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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