I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
