I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
