I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
