This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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