garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
