I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
