last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Randomize
