I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
