I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
try to milk me bitch
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
