; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Someone shattered a urinal.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Randomize
