This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
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I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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