did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
