Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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