he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
