Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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