uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
There r osticjed everywhere
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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