So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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