I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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