Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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