tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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