I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
