Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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