Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
