My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
