you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
