Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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