I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
