Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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