Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
