why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
