Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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