White coat. Heels.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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