Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
