I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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