Don't make out with my wife yet
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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