i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
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My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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