what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Your dad touched me again.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
