i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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