I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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