we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
