So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
