Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
