Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
