the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
There's always time for handjobs
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
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