I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
