ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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